Progress Isn’t Being Done
I thought I was ‘done’ with it,
that was the trap.
“I just want to be done forever with this distressing thing in my life” said everyone with the natural human desire to move away from discomfort.
When we relate to challenges that show up often for us, there can often be a response that if this ‘thing’ resurfaces again it means somehow we haven’t ‘got’ anywhere with it — whether that’s a pattern of behaviour or experience.
I see it in session often. A kind of dismay around “I thought I’d made progress with this.” “Why is this here?! I just want to be done so I can move on with my life.”
This response points to our collective discomfort with our perceived imperfections. As if this less than ideal thing means something fundamentally about who we are, our worth, our value, our humanity.
I write about this now because the very same process surfaced for me recently.
I was sent into intense inner anguish and feelings of low worth around something I thought I ‘dealt’ with.
A little while ago I became keenly aware of how a new deeper layer of trauma from my previous marriage was playing out inside my current relationship. This surfaced of course as I deepen in my relationship with my partner.
The experiences with my ex-husband — specific incidents and the relationship overall — led to my acute PTSD symptoms years ago (tremors, hallucinations, panic attacks, insomnia, intrusive flashbacks etc.). And given everything I moved through, it's fucking amazing (I think) to be in the kind of healthy relationship I'm in now.
However, as I confronted another layer of how those experiences are impacting me now, I spun into deep self-blame because I, like many, “just want to be done”.
As I felt into it and navigated through, I came back to something I tell people often:
The resurface or revisit is the portal into deepening expansion.
Not an indication of how well you’ve done or how deserving you are.
Of course there is a time for reprieve and overall more consistent stability — a new baseline across your mind and body. But from there folks… if we want to continue to be alive in the dance of life, rather than hiding away from it, then we are not ‘done’.
There is no limit to how we deepen into connection and presence with ourselves, others, the world.
And so, when something shows up that we feel we've ‘dealt’ with before, hold the body and the parts of you that feel the judgement and frustration. Then pour love into the beauty of your imperfect humanity. The aliveness you feel on the other side of this is unmatched.
That’s what I’ve done this month.
This kind of expansion into a new layer of safety in the world, and aliveness flowing through my body, is exactly what I facilitate for those inside Somatic Intelligence.
Love,
AMc 🤎
